Since social networking via the internet has reached new heights (even my mom has a facebook now lol) very few things about us can be kept private anymore. It used to be that we were only faced with running into old flames, friends, classmates, teachers, employers, and fucks at high school reunions and the occassional friend of a friends Halloween party, but now that social network sites such as Facebook, Myspace, and Twitter seem to have replaced actual face time we are forced to deal with our past and give glimpses into our present on a daily basis. Now anyone out there with access to a high speed connection and a gmail account can find out what our mood is, what we ate for lunch, who we fucked last night, and who we were messaging for a booty call early this morning…not too mention even more important aspects of our lives.
When joining a social networking site we are typically asked to fill out profile information and reveal as much as we are comfortable with about our personal lives. The typical questions asked are where we live, where we work, where we went to school, what kind of music and movies we like, what are current relationship status is and ofcourse what sexual gender were trolling after at this junction of our lives. This poses a problem for some people as once this information hits the internet it is available at the click of a mouse or as I like to say “the oogle of a google” to anyone looking for a view of who you “really” are these days. Even sites that offer private profiles are still penetratable through hacking or as long as someone wants to get in contact with an added friend of yours who does have the “secret password” to get into your top 8. By the way mine is popscicle.
While some people feel intruded upon, stalked or are just plain uninterested in divulging anything on their social profile there are some of us who are open books waiting to be read, myself included. I live my life loud and proud and aside from the “anoynmous nature” of this blog (i do have a real one where I go by my real name and talk without nicknames, its just not as dirty) put myself out there when it comes to divulging information on the internet. I fill out all areas of profiles and since the day I decided to start riding the L train have been upfront with who I am and who I am fucking. This brings me to homo facebook and myspace protocol.
I am constantly faced with the lovely and oh so classy question of “So your gay now?” to which my reply is “I always have been, just decided to stop fighting it.” This question tends to mostly come from old classmates but can really come out of nowhere in my intersphere. Emolesbo and I were discussing this last night and she is constantly bombarded with the question whenever she adds a new/old friend as well. How to handle this? We aren’t quite sure there is a perfect system but mine seems to be fairly adequate.
1. Decide if you want to be out or not. Bottom line. Either go for it or don’t, you have to make this decision in your online life just as you do in your real life. From experience I can tell you its way too difficult to be out to some online friends and not to others. Make it easy on yourself and choose.
2. So you decided to be out. Great! Now make sure it looks that way, fill out your sexual orientation or who you are “looking for” apopropriately. This will help you dodge a lot of confusion, weird flirations and possibly even some questioning.
3. Show your pride. Of course people will ask about it in a negative way (especially if you were “the most boy crazy girl they ever knew” but that can be avoided in a lot of cases if you just show that its who you are and something you are proud of. Post photos of your partner and family, add some gay friendly flare, pick a good old quote from Anias Nin, or a lyric from Tegan and Sara and what the hell post some hot L Word photos on your corkboard if the mood strikes.
4. When asked the inevitable question by someone too ignorant to read the signs, answer honestly, don’t dodge the question or feel a need to give them proof. I usually give a quick little recap on my life so far, talk about my mistakes with my marriage to a man, about how I never felt comfortable in my own skin when it came to my sexuality and explain that I was born this way and was just trying my damndest to push away those feelings and fit the norm. Ofcourse I mention Nightrider and my fabulous relationship and wonderful family and leave it at that. If they wan’t to ask question hopefully I have made them realize how comfortable I am with who I am a who I love and maybe just maybe I have given them their first glimpse into the gay world and have helped them to have a more open mind.
Now that the rules have been set what happens next is really hard to call. A few experiences I’ve had have resulted in completely different ways.
ChurchGirl and I were friends in highschool, we didn’t hang out outside of school but we spent alot of time in numerous choirs together and when you have spent 24 hours on a bus with someone its expected they will probably be an aquaintance at some later point in your life. Well when I joined facebook ChurchGirl was one of the first to add me. I accepted the request and awaited ridicule from her and her God fearing way of thinking. After a couple days she finally wrote me:
It has been forever since I have seen or heard from you…how are things going? I noticed that your status says you are in a relationship but weren’t you married? I have missed a whole lot it seems! Let me know what you have been up to the last few years! I miss our Encore days and all the fun we had!
Now i’m sure she already knew the answer to her question, especially since my facebook was full of photos of me and Nightrider (who is obviously a lesbian even if my femme ways don’t showcase it to the untrained eye) but this was in my opinion a pretty classy way to ask about it.
My response to her:
Its good to hear from you! Actually i did get married but we are divorced, we just werent right for eachother, and got married just because thats what we thought was the next step. I am in a relationship now and have been for almost a year with a wonderful woman who completely rocks my world. Its kinda a weird transition and it takes time to get used to the ridicule involved with my choices but its who i have honestly always been and just tried to hide. I am happier than i have ever been and now know what real love feels like. Its amazing! How are you doing?
I was respecting a response along the lines of “You are going to burn in hell” from her but was pleasantly suprised by her sweetness and understanding. I guess you never really know how people are going to act.
Last week I logged onto AIM which I havent been on in a very long time. Two of my exboyfriends happened to be logged in and I carried conversations with both of them.
Wolfy was an incredibly attractive, for a man, jock I had briefly dated my Freshman year. We were a really mismatched couple and I broke up with him due to the fact that I was more interested in my leggy bestfriend then I was in him. We came across that we were both still in Boise and he asked if I would let him take me to dinner sometime. I had made the mistake and not let him know right away that I was madly in love with a woman, and had to break the news to him after the date invite. He took it really weird, said there was no way I could be a “true” lesbian and that “i just hadnt met the right guy yet” Wow what a charmer. He also continued to prod me for a date or atleast a quick fuck. Ew, needless to say he is now removed from my AIM and my life.
GIDane and I dated numerous times through Jr. High and High School. He was sweet, not overly masculine and treated me with a lot of respect. He and I got to talked and he initially asked me how my ex and I were doing, I informed him of the divorce, of meeting Nightrider and coming out of the closet and he was extremely supportive of my choices. While he did say that it was too bad I wasn’t straight and single that he was genuinely happy that I found someone that I loved so much. We have talked more sense and he has even offered to be a sperm donor (with no strings attached) should Nightrider and I decide to expand our family.
I guess you just have to take the good with the bad! Happy refriending!
Monday, June 1, 2009
