Originally Posted 3/6/2009
While driving in the car:
Stiletto: “So i go straight at the next light?”
Nightrider: “No… go forward at the next light. Never got straight you’ll lost your friends!”
There is some truth in that statement, and it goes both ways, when you go straight you lose your friends, and when you go gay you lose your friends. Unless we are lucky enough to be completely 100% secure in our sexuality and out ourselves at birth there is a time in our lives where all gay people will have to out themselves and risk potentionally losing all the people in their lives. The same thing happens when a gay person decides to go straight again. You know what they say “you are who you hang with” and while we would all probably love to say how open minded we are and how diverse of a social circle we may have, I’m sure we are all a little guilty of befriended those whom we share a common way of thinking with. There is nothing wrong with it, its just the way the world works. You may still be thinking i’m wrong but honestly ask youself what sexual orientation a majority of your friends are. Really.. do it.
Before i came out my friends were 90% heterosexual, mostly straight girls, and the other 10% being gay males. Now i look at my top 8 on myspace and its a little more of the homo variety: Lesbian/Straight/Lesbian/Bisexual/Lesbain/Lesbian/Lesbian/Lesbian. All of these people have only become my friends since coming out as well, except for the straight one Cupcake. (I used Cupcake as an example in a
previous post even though she wasnt the friend I was talking about, just an example of a straight friend in my life.) Cupcake and I have been best buddies since the 8th grade and I’m not surprised that she is the only real close friendship I have maintained from the pre-lesbo days.
The reasons we lose friends when coming out or going back into the closet can vary. Some just aren’t comfortable with our new lifestyle or have religious beliefs that don’t agree with it. Some feel we are lying to ourselves and can’t love us until we stop being confused. Sometimes we just don’t have anything in common anymore, and sometimes we have the best intentions of remaing comrades but our lives just stop coinciding and we drift apart.
Sundot an old straight male friend of mine is a perfect example of not having anything in common anymore. When we first come out alot of people feel liberated and for the first time in their life want the world to know they are gay. I know i did this. I talked about gay things, gay people, gay culture, gay rights and anything under the big gay rainbow. He bored of this, distanced himself and now we are nothing more than aquaintances.
Bacon my bisexual-but-only-when-its-trendy, pre-out bff was the 2nd girl I ever had sex with and she didnt seem to have a problem with my love for the pussy when it was hers i was fucking, but once i left my husband and came out of the closet it was almost like she was scared she would have to do the same. We tried to maintain a friendship but fear creates distance and thats just the way the cookie crumbles.
Recently a member of our social circle, Doom, has broken up with her girlfriend, Emolesbo, who is part of our family. In the process of this breakup Doom has admited that she doesnt think she is really a lesbian. This puts a hitch in our social circle. We figured that giving time we could all be friends again, but now with recent developments Doom will probably be out of our life within the next 6 months. While we love her for who she is and don’t care who she loves, she did hurt Emolesbo, who is still on our team, and I’m sure Doom’s life will change dramatically. Doom’s friends are all homos and I’m sure she will find herself with less in common, less of an understanding of the issues,and along with finding a straight man to love in the future she will probably also find a new group of straight friends. Sad but its what will happen.
This subject reminds me of the L Word which I will be referencing probably alot more next week as this Sunday is the Series Finale of the overdramatic lezzy show that helped alot of us realize we like us some naked women. Tina was in the with the in crowd but instantly fell out of the loop when she left Bette for a man. Ofcourse when Bette cheated on Tina with a woman in the previous season Bette’s term of “Planet exile” was alot shorter lived. This is silly but still proof that once you change your sexuality you lose your friends, but if you switch back you can get back in the clique… well atleast it worked for Tina.
