I have a lot of straight people in my life, I’m very fortunate that for the most part they support me and my family in all its homo glory. I was lucky enough that when I came out I didn’t really have any negative feedback and didnt lose any of my true friends to my faggotry but I have become “the gay friend” to quite a few people.
First off let me say that I really don’t mind being the first person you have ever been close to that is gay. It’s in someways a privlegde, I am lucky enough to be a bit of spice and diversity in your social circle, and in some cases I get to be the person that helps you to be more open minded, to not feel like we are a whole other species, and to possibly change your perspective for the better. I feel like by being out of the closet and in some cases subjecting myself to those who know no other way then what the bible and their conservative ideals have taught them I am doing a small part in helping the gay community as a whole.
So now that I have mentioned the positives, here are the negatives for being the “gay friend”. Having to always be your ticket into gay culture, having to holding your hand and protect you from the predatory lesbians and drag queens who want to compare their falseys to your realsys at the local queer club, also the fact that when we go out I have to fight you to go to the queer club. Also after losing that battle, having to forgo kissing my girlfriend to avoid the dirty looks from the breeders, and having to protect my ASSests from frat boys wanting to play grab ass at your favorite club. Other problems is how you introduce me to people, “this is Stiletto shes my lesbian friend I was telling you about”. You don’t hear me saying to anyone who will listen “this is Cupcake, she enjoys art, vegan food, and oh by the way she loves the cock.” I don’t go around informing everyone who you bed so why not leave it up to me to out myself to the other people in your life when i feel like it. Another problem with being your friend of the homo variety, the fact that you automatically assume that i’m hitting on you if I say you look nice. Is every straight male in your life attracted to you? I think not! So not every lesbian wants you either and frankly you just aren’t my type.
Here’s my list of do’s and don’ts for having a lesbo in your social circle!
- Don’t treat my relationships like they aren’t on the same level as yours just because we legally can’t get married, file taxes together, or have kids the good old fashioned way.
- Do love me unconditionally no matter who I’m fucking or thinking about fucking, its no different then me seeing past who your bring home these days.
- Don’t out me to people I just met, leave that to me, i’m the one whose living it so trust me I know how and when to do it.
- Do use me as an example of how you can be a professional, in a serious relationship, have great kids who are extremely well adjusted to bust any of those horrible gay myths out there!
- Don’t make me pretend to be your girl friend in gay social settings because honestly it wont work. I know you may not want to get hit on but the community already knows me, my type and my lover.
- Do expand your horizons, ask me questions you don’t understand about gay culture, rights and anything else you can think of.
And last but not least….
- Don’t get drunk and try to make out with me just because your bicurious, if you really want to give it a shot i’m sure I can find someone who would love to be your first time.
Follow these rules and our friendship will be great, plus I can direct you the fabulous wonder that is drag shows, the best sex toys and even to some hot dykes should you ever decide to switch teams.
Monday, June 1, 2009
0 comments:
Post a Comment