"So You're Gay Now?" Facebook & Myspace Protocol

Originally Posted 3/30/09


Since social networking via the internet has reached new heights (even my mom has a facebook now lol) very few things about us can be kept private anymore. It used to be that we were only faced with running into old flames, friends, classmates, teachers, employers, and fucks at high school reunions and the occassional friend of a friends Halloween party, but now that social network sites such as Facebook, Myspace, and Twitter seem to have replaced actual face time we are forced to deal with our past and give glimpses into our present on a daily basis. Now anyone out there with access to a high speed connection and a gmail account can find out what our mood is, what we ate for lunch, who we fucked last night, and who we were messaging for a booty call early this morning…not too mention even more important aspects of our lives.
When joining a social networking site we are typically asked to fill out profile information and reveal as much as we are comfortable with about our personal lives. The typical questions asked are where we live, where we work, where we went to school, what kind of music and movies we like, what are current relationship status is and ofcourse what sexual gender were trolling after at this junction of our lives. This poses a problem for some people as once this information hits the internet it is available at the click of a mouse or as I like to say “the oogle of a google” to anyone looking for a view of who you “really” are these days. Even sites that offer private profiles are still penetratable through hacking or as long as someone wants to get in contact with an added friend of yours who does have the “secret password” to get into your top 8. By the way mine is popscicle.
While some people feel intruded upon, stalked or are just plain uninterested in divulging anything on their social profile there are some of us who are open books waiting to be read, myself included. I live my life loud and proud and aside from the “anoynmous nature” of this blog (i do have a real one where I go by my real name and talk without nicknames, its just not as dirty) put myself out there when it comes to divulging information on the internet. I fill out all areas of profiles and since the day I decided to start riding the L train have been upfront with who I am and who I am fucking. This brings me to homo facebook and myspace protocol.
I am constantly faced with the lovely and oh so classy question of “So your gay now?” to which my reply is “I always have been, just decided to stop fighting it.” This question tends to mostly come from old classmates but can really come out of nowhere in my intersphere. Emolesbo and I were discussing this last night and she is constantly bombarded with the question whenever she adds a new/old friend as well. How to handle this? We aren’t quite sure there is a perfect system but mine seems to be fairly adequate.

1. Decide if you want to be out or not. Bottom line. Either go for it or don’t, you have to make this decision in your online life just as you do in your real life. From experience I can tell you its way too difficult to be out to some online friends and not to others. Make it easy on yourself and choose.
2. So you decided to be out. Great! Now make sure it looks that way, fill out your sexual orientation or who you are “looking for” apopropriately. This will help you dodge a lot of confusion, weird flirations and possibly even some questioning.
3. Show your pride. Of course people will ask about it in a negative way (especially if you were “the most boy crazy girl they ever knew” but that can be avoided in a lot of cases if you just show that its who you are and something you are proud of. Post photos of your partner and family, add some gay friendly flare, pick a good old quote from Anias Nin, or a lyric from Tegan and Sara and what the hell post some hot L Word photos on your corkboard if the mood strikes.
4. When asked the inevitable question by someone too ignorant to read the signs, answer honestly, don’t dodge the question or feel a need to give them proof. I usually give a quick little recap on my life so far, talk about my mistakes with my marriage to a man, about how I never felt comfortable in my own skin when it came to my sexuality and explain that I was born this way and was just trying my damndest to push away those feelings and fit the norm. Ofcourse I mention Nightrider and my fabulous relationship and wonderful family and leave it at that. If they wan’t to ask question hopefully I have made them realize how comfortable I am with who I am a who I love and maybe just maybe I have given them their first glimpse into the gay world and have helped them to have a more open mind.

Now that the rules have been set what happens next is really hard to call. A few experiences I’ve had have resulted in completely different ways.

ChurchGirl and I were friends in highschool, we didn’t hang out outside of school but we spent alot of time in numerous choirs together and when you have spent 24 hours on a bus with someone its expected they will probably be an aquaintance at some later point in your life. Well when I joined facebook ChurchGirl was one of the first to add me. I accepted the request and awaited ridicule from her and her God fearing way of thinking. After a couple days she finally wrote me:

It has been forever since I have seen or heard from you…how are things going? I noticed that your status says you are in a relationship but weren’t you married? I have missed a whole lot it seems! Let me know what you have been up to the last few years! I miss our Encore days and all the fun we had!

Now i’m sure she already knew the answer to her question, especially since my facebook was full of photos of me and Nightrider (who is obviously a lesbian even if my femme ways don’t showcase it to the untrained eye) but this was in my opinion a pretty classy way to ask about it.

My response to her:
Its good to hear from you! Actually i did get married but we are divorced, we just werent right for eachother, and got married just because thats what we thought was the next step. I am in a relationship now and have been for almost a year with a wonderful woman who completely rocks my world. Its kinda a weird transition and it takes time to get used to the ridicule involved with my choices but its who i have honestly always been and just tried to hide. I am happier than i have ever been and now know what real love feels like. Its amazing! How are you doing?

I was respecting a response along the lines of “You are going to burn in hell” from her but was pleasantly suprised by her sweetness and understanding. I guess you never really know how people are going to act.

Last week I logged onto AIM which I havent been on in a very long time. Two of my exboyfriends happened to be logged in and I carried conversations with both of them.

Wolfy was an incredibly attractive, for a man, jock I had briefly dated my Freshman year. We were a really mismatched couple and I broke up with him due to the fact that I was more interested in my leggy bestfriend then I was in him. We came across that we were both still in Boise and he asked if I would let him take me to dinner sometime. I had made the mistake and not let him know right away that I was madly in love with a woman, and had to break the news to him after the date invite. He took it really weird, said there was no way I could be a “true” lesbian and that “i just hadnt met the right guy yet” Wow what a charmer. He also continued to prod me for a date or atleast a quick fuck. Ew, needless to say he is now removed from my AIM and my life.

GIDane and I dated numerous times through Jr. High and High School. He was sweet, not overly masculine and treated me with a lot of respect. He and I got to talked and he initially asked me how my ex and I were doing, I informed him of the divorce, of meeting Nightrider and coming out of the closet and he was extremely supportive of my choices. While he did say that it was too bad I wasn’t straight and single that he was genuinely happy that I found someone that I loved so much. We have talked more sense and he has even offered to be a sperm donor (with no strings attached) should Nightrider and I decide to expand our family.

I guess you just have to take the good with the bad! Happy refriending!

Monday, June 1, 2009

Lost In Translation (The L Word Season Finale)

Originally Posted 3/10/2009

Lost in Translation is what the final episode of the L Word should have been titled because seriously that must be where the storyline and answers to all the burning questions of the Tibette Loving, Crazy Jenny Hating, You’re Looking Very Shane Today Lustful, I Love It When My Peeper Touches Your Peeper Fascinated, Bring Carmen & Her Booty Shorts Back Pleading, OMG I’m Going to Vomit If Shenny Doesn’t Break Up Soon, lesbian and bicurious fanbase have to be.
From what I have witnessed on other blogs, boards and by word of mouth even with the extremely dissapointing season 6 that we will refure to as “This Season Tastes Like Poopy Shit” the loyal fans were still tuning in meerly out of nothing but respect for the once thrilling, sexy, make you want to jump right on out of your own self loathing homophobia pickled closet, eat some gay brownies and listen to some Uh Huh Her, Showtime drama about Lesbians “like us” and the Way That We Live. We, myself included, were all hoping that even with the train wreck that this season has been, that we wouldnt be let down by our portal into the world of InterFuckingConectedness and that our beloved L word would pick her self up and leave with some dignity. Sadly the trend for this season remained in full force and left us hanging still waiting to ascertain the intent and disposition of one Miss Ilene Chaiken. My top guess on that intent would be money in her pocket and a movie deal in the horizon.
I would recap but its just to painful, however you can find some great recaps, screencaps and opinions of how shitty this finale was here from one of my favorite bloggers Dorothy Surrenders
Now I leave you L Word tag surfers and faithful readers with the only good part of the whole finale.

"You'll Lose Your Friends"

Originally Posted 3/6/2009

While driving in the car:
Stiletto: “So i go straight at the next light?”
Nightrider: “No… go forward at the next light. Never got straight you’ll lost your friends!”
There is some truth in that statement, and it goes both ways, when you go straight you lose your friends, and when you go gay you lose your friends. Unless we are lucky enough to be completely 100% secure in our sexuality and out ourselves at birth there is a time in our lives where all gay people will have to out themselves and risk potentionally losing all the people in their lives. The same thing happens when a gay person decides to go straight again. You know what they say “you are who you hang with” and while we would all probably love to say how open minded we are and how diverse of a social circle we may have, I’m sure we are all a little guilty of befriended those whom we share a common way of thinking with. There is nothing wrong with it, its just the way the world works. You may still be thinking i’m wrong but honestly ask youself what sexual orientation a majority of your friends are. Really.. do it.
Before i came out my friends were 90% heterosexual, mostly straight girls, and the other 10% being gay males. Now i look at my top 8 on myspace and its a little more of the homo variety: Lesbian/Straight/Lesbian/Bisexual/Lesbain/Lesbian/Lesbian/Lesbian. All of these people have only become my friends since coming out as well, except for the straight one Cupcake. (I used Cupcake as an example in a previous post even though she wasnt the friend I was talking about, just an example of a straight friend in my life.) Cupcake and I have been best buddies since the 8th grade and I’m not surprised that she is the only real close friendship I have maintained from the pre-lesbo days.
The reasons we lose friends when coming out or going back into the closet can vary. Some just aren’t comfortable with our new lifestyle or have religious beliefs that don’t agree with it. Some feel we are lying to ourselves and can’t love us until we stop being confused. Sometimes we just don’t have anything in common anymore, and sometimes we have the best intentions of remaing comrades but our lives just stop coinciding and we drift apart.
Sundot an old straight male friend of mine is a perfect example of not having anything in common anymore. When we first come out alot of people feel liberated and for the first time in their life want the world to know they are gay. I know i did this. I talked about gay things, gay people, gay culture, gay rights and anything under the big gay rainbow. He bored of this, distanced himself and now we are nothing more than aquaintances.
Bacon my bisexual-but-only-when-its-trendy, pre-out bff was the 2nd girl I ever had sex with and she didnt seem to have a problem with my love for the pussy when it was hers i was fucking, but once i left my husband and came out of the closet it was almost like she was scared she would have to do the same. We tried to maintain a friendship but fear creates distance and thats just the way the cookie crumbles.
Recently a member of our social circle, Doom, has broken up with her girlfriend, Emolesbo, who is part of our family. In the process of this breakup Doom has admited that she doesnt think she is really a lesbian. This puts a hitch in our social circle. We figured that giving time we could all be friends again, but now with recent developments Doom will probably be out of our life within the next 6 months. While we love her for who she is and don’t care who she loves, she did hurt Emolesbo, who is still on our team, and I’m sure Doom’s life will change dramatically. Doom’s friends are all homos and I’m sure she will find herself with less in common, less of an understanding of the issues,and along with finding a straight man to love in the future she will probably also find a new group of straight friends. Sad but its what will happen.
This subject reminds me of the L Word which I will be referencing probably alot more next week as this Sunday is the Series Finale of the overdramatic lezzy show that helped alot of us realize we like us some naked women. Tina was in the with the in crowd but instantly fell out of the loop when she left Bette for a man. Ofcourse when Bette cheated on Tina with a woman in the previous season Bette’s term of “Planet exile” was alot shorter lived. This is silly but still proof that once you change your sexuality you lose your friends, but if you switch back you can get back in the clique… well atleast it worked for Tina.

And This Is Stiletto, My "Lesbian" Friend

Originally Posted On Old Blog 3/4/2009

I have a lot of straight people in my life, I’m very fortunate that for the most part they support me and my family in all its homo glory. I was lucky enough that when I came out I didn’t really have any negative feedback and didnt lose any of my true friends to my faggotry but I have become “the gay friend” to quite a few people.
First off let me say that I really don’t mind being the first person you have ever been close to that is gay. It’s in someways a privlegde, I am lucky enough to be a bit of spice and diversity in your social circle, and in some cases I get to be the person that helps you to be more open minded, to not feel like we are a whole other species, and to possibly change your perspective for the better. I feel like by being out of the closet and in some cases subjecting myself to those who know no other way then what the bible and their conservative ideals have taught them I am doing a small part in helping the gay community as a whole.
So now that I have mentioned the positives, here are the negatives for being the “gay friend”. Having to always be your ticket into gay culture, having to holding your hand and protect you from the predatory lesbians and drag queens who want to compare their falseys to your realsys at the local queer club, also the fact that when we go out I have to fight you to go to the queer club. Also after losing that battle, having to forgo kissing my girlfriend to avoid the dirty looks from the breeders, and having to protect my ASSests from frat boys wanting to play grab ass at your favorite club. Other problems is how you introduce me to people, “this is Stiletto shes my lesbian friend I was telling you about”. You don’t hear me saying to anyone who will listen “this is Cupcake, she enjoys art, vegan food, and oh by the way she loves the cock.” I don’t go around informing everyone who you bed so why not leave it up to me to out myself to the other people in your life when i feel like it. Another problem with being your friend of the homo variety, the fact that you automatically assume that i’m hitting on you if I say you look nice. Is every straight male in your life attracted to you? I think not! So not every lesbian wants you either and frankly you just aren’t my type.

Here’s my list of do’s and don’ts for having a lesbo in your social circle!

• Don’t treat my relationships like they aren’t on the same level as yours just because we legally can’t get married, file taxes together, or have kids the good old fashioned way.
• Do love me unconditionally no matter who I’m fucking or thinking about fucking, its no different then me seeing past who your bring home these days.
• Don’t out me to people I just met, leave that to me, i’m the one whose living it so trust me I know how and when to do it.
• Do use me as an example of how you can be a professional, in a serious relationship, have great kids who are extremely well adjusted to bust any of those horrible gay myths out there!
• Don’t make me pretend to be your girl friend in gay social settings because honestly it wont work. I know you may not want to get hit on but the community already knows me, my type and my lover.
• Do expand your horizons, ask me questions you don’t understand about gay culture, rights and anything else you can think of.
  

And last but not least….

• Don’t get drunk and try to make out with me just because your bicurious, if you really want to give it a shot i’m sure I can find someone who would love to be your first time.
  Follow these rules and our friendship will be great, plus I can direct you the fabulous wonder that is drag shows, the best sex toys and even to some hot dykes should you ever decide to switch teams.

Casual Encounters-Craigslist For Femmes

Originally Posted On Old Site 3/2/2009

Single and ready to mingle? High Femme Looking for the butch of her dreams or atleast someone to keep her warm for the night? Crusing the gay bars but falling under the radar? Any of this sound familiar to the femmes out there? Probably because it happens to the best of us.
Before I met Nightrider I found myself looking for nookie in all the wrong places. I would go to the local gay watering holes and find myself in a sea of lesbians but the only people to notice me were the straight men trolling for a bisexual to change. What was wrong with me I asked myself. Was I unattractive to women, maybe I wasn’t really a lesbian and they could see it, maybe i was just undesirable in general. It was really none of these things, it was just I was a femme, and easily invisible to the gay eye. Rather then sacrafice my own gender identity to fit to the mold of the the strong andro/scene member of the lesbian community here in good old Boise and get picked up at bars I had to find other venues of booty. Enter Craigslist.
While i owe some of my best romps and my overall best love to Craigslist, using it is still not something I am proud of admitting. While i don’t mind confirming that yes I met a great one night stand or two on that site i don’t enjoy it as the honest answer when i’m asked the fatal question of where I met Nightrider.
Aside from my own issues, Craigslist is great for the task at hand. That is if your task is to meet a nice butch to fuck you senseless and leave before the sun comes up. Each major city has a craigslist board and then in the personal section there is typically a women seeking women section as well as a good old casual encounters section. I wouldn’t rule out either one when virtually trolling for some silicone cock. While casual encounters is for just that, CASUAL ENCOUNTERS, the women seeking women section can be for many things, weather it be for a one night stand, finding a good fuck buddy, giving your bicurious natures a shot or anything else your little sex crazed brains and loins can handle.
So femmes out there looking for some loving and having a hard time finding it, put your creativity to the test. Write up a personal ad detailing the lovely things about your fishnet covered legs, sparkling personality, utlrafemme grooming habbits, and boutiful breasts and find your own femme loving collar to leave traces of your favorite lipstick all over.

Perpetual Cheating...Breaking The Cycle

Originally Posted 2/18/09

I am a big giant cheater, and not proud of it.

Now before you worry that I have done the unthinkable and ruined my realtionship with Nightrider, I assure you that I have done no such thing. While i may identify as a cheater, I have never even so much at looked at another woman (or man) since i met her.
Back to the point…. I am a big giant cheater. I always have been. I have never been able to keep it in my pants or under my skirt, so to speak. I bore easily, love the excitement of flirtation and being desired and to be blunt i just love fucking. Aside from current smitten kitten i have never been faithful to a partner. I was with my ex husband for 5 years and cheated on him more times then i can count on one hand. He accepted my snatchy cheaterdome and eventually allowed an open marriage, to which i then began new casusal relationships and even found myself cheating on those i was technically cheating with.
I just can’t help it, i thrive on flirtation, on exuding sex, on cat calls and bootycalls. I go crazy for the thrill of the unknown, for first times and the chance to see how bad you want it and what you will do to get it. The moments of passion and pulling away, the murmurs of This is so wrong, but it feels so right, and the sneaking out of a warm bed to a cold backseat.
My relationship with Nightrider was founded on a cheating escapade. I was still married and making my way from lap to lap, fucking in cars, parks, public bathrooms and in some cases on broken futons in friends garages. My phone was blowing up with calls from bicurious women, unhappily married men, and standby fuck buddies. Then Nightrider came into the picture and our intentions with eachother were that of a good time, an occasionally romp, and a friendship when the heat fizzled. But as our bodies colided for the first time, her fingers fitting perfectly inside me, and her eyes staying focused on mine I did the unimagineable, i fell in love. I changed my phone number, told old fucks to take a hike, removed personal ads, finalized a divorce and decided that she was the one who would change everything. The one who would change me.
It has been over a year and i have remained intent on being faithful, i don’t find myself bored, or thinking of mounting the stranger across the room. Have i beaten it, broken the cycle? Defeated the ideas that once a cheater always a cheater and that what starts in chaos can only end in chaos? What does it take for perpetual cheater to become a faithful lover?
Apparently in this case, it just being with the right person.

A Love Letter For Nightrider

Originally Posted On Old Site 2/12/09


I was working on a Valentines Day present for Nightrider and I came across and old love letter i wrote her and couldn’t resist posting the mush. Hey its that time of year.
When you look at me in that special way, where your eyes see through my soul and I feel it all the way down to my toes. Where for that split second I forget the world and get lost in your eyes, when I feel as if I have reached the top of a rollercoaster and my stomach is in knots in excitement and anticipation of the fall. It’s How your fingertips always find their way to my lower back after a rough day, and your touch instantly helps me breathe easier. It’s the way you know exactly what to say when I am tired of the drama that life requires and want to run away from everything but you. It’s the way you smile at me when I do something ridiculous, with that true smile that shows humility without judgment and admiration for me even when I am not my best. It’s when we are out with other people and no matter who we are around your hand still always finds mine. It’s when we make love and I can feel you making me your whole world as I am making you mine while being able to close my eyes, relax and allow you to consume every part of me. Its waking up in the middle of the night from a dead sleep just because I hear your breathing change, and I automatically roll over and hold you just to make sure you are alright and as comfortable as possible. Its when I ask about your day and actually really want to hear a real aswer, as lengthy as it may be. Its about facing all life altering moments and combating the fear of change, and trusting that everything will be ok as long as you always say my name the way you do and always allow me to love you all the way to my fingertips. Its loving you so much that the superficial nature of the human heart evolves to pride, faith, and love. It’s the way loving you wakes up every part of me and makes me feel alive.